Sometimes I stay in bed and work there until lunch time to write and do stuff that lights me up. And sometimes like today the feelings of guilt are creeping in because I get to do that and don’t have to rush anywhere where I don’t want to go (aka an office or whatever it may be to make money).
And I know where that guilt is coming from. Seeing my mother and how hard she worked to feed six kids as a single mom with no father who supported us financially nor time-wise. And I remember the conversation I had with my grandmother when I told her some time ago that I am making at least 10K a month because she asked me how well I am able to sustain myself and her response was “what, not even I did that in my best days nor your uncle does”. And they are all entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurship runs in my family and it’s in my DNA.
And then I remind myself that I chose a very long time ago – 10 years to be exact. I chose when I broke down in my room after I was accepted to University. Not only accepted but happily invited by the director even though I took a 2-years break not 1-year break and by the rules I was supposed to pass several entry tests to get accepted after my break. After one conversation with him he practically begged me to enter. When I returned home I had a break-down and cried. I remember it like it was yesterday. And no, it wasn’t because of happy-tears. I cried because I realized that I could never go and live a “normal” life. That I wasn’t born to be just another academic with a polished CV and getting up every day to hurry to work like everyone else. And so I cried and buried the last bit of doubt I ever had to be just someone who can fit into a “normal” working life.
And it was that moment when my ex-boyfriend or my grandmother or my mother and everyone else told me I needed a safe side-job to sustain myself while being an entrepreneur and I battled and went out and got one only to quit again after the first day because I realized that this wasn’t my path either and I chose to never have a job just to make money that wasn't aligned with my soul's purpose. And I cried again and said my mantra, invoked my soul because at that time I wasn’t fully merged with my soul and lost connection from time to time…. So I begged and told her to show me MY PATH – MY PURPOSE!
And I chose me! I was 18 years old. No one gave me an example of how to do it. Or a step-by-step system. I had my years of traumas, self-healing, merging with my deepest being, unlocking my gifts and owning everything that happened and fully understanding that it had to happen for me to be the person that understands pain, knows the grits, lived and transformed through every morphogenetic field in the matrix of illusions, healed herself from years of abuse, addiction, depression, anxiety, not being good-enough, co-dependency and so much more. And become the woman who knows her worth, acts in her power and shines her light brighter as ever before.
AND I GAVE UP TO EVER LISTENING TO ANYONE EVER BUT MY SOUL!
And that’s why I am here today and can choose and stay in bed if I want to. That’s why I get to say and breathe and enjoy that I have created the most fulfilling and free live I could have possibly imagined. Because I wasn’t doing visualization or writing down what I believed I wanted when I started 10 years ago. I let my soul take over and got out of my own way.
I remind myself each and every day when guilt creeps up that I chose the “hard” way to be free at the end…
- To not fit in and talk about the glorious career path I have chosen but to be of service and fulfill my purpose.
- To start a business without funding, a plan and approval from the outside.
- To feel lonely at times when my drive and my passion consumed me and led to my retreat and therefore being misunderstood by everyone I loved.
- To not fit in and break all the rules society has created about how my life should look like that would have only broken my spirit and my creativity.
- To be an artist, write a bestselling-book and help thousands of people without that certificate from the university to back it up #truestory #notawish
- To have time for the things that matter to me like spending time with the people I love, travel freely, go to the gym and spend my day with my dog and not being stressed about what I have to do and accomplish.
- To no longer live in drama, mind-game and struggle and break free from every shakle I have ever felt, experienced and mutated through physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially.
- To accept the fact that I am on this earth but not from this world and that I’ll always feel like I don’t fit in.
But I get to live my life, my purpose and create my day, my schedule, my content and my business exactly how it was always meant to be – joyful, wild and free!
What’s your choice?
Do you desire to live a freedom lifestyle physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and time-wise and live your purpose as well? Then you can apply here to make this happen :) I am very much looking forward to meeting the unstoppable you!
As always just me,